The Highs and Lows of High School Football

Hi,

Today I am writing to you from the deep crevice of a cave. Because I'm down bad. Mentally. Which is crazy because I was on W streak the whole day until I made a mistake in my art history group presentation. I guess I'll start with the positives.

In my morning stretching class, we played frisbee because it was our last class. I ended up having a lot of fun and got some cardio in. Then I went up to the Kellogg House because our office was having a holiday celebration lunch. So I got free food and was able to connect with some technicians from the Maker Studio. Which will come in handy when I need to produce merch for projects I'm working on (me when I'm vague). Then we played a balloon popping game where you tie a ballon to your ankle and you gotta stomp and pop other people's balloons and save yours. I won with a three way tie lol and we all got gift cards. This was surprisingly was super fun. I haven't played direct contact sport in so long and I was like wait a minute... This is so fun!! And then after all that, I went to the office and edited some photos from the last couple events. The photos from the PolyX event came out soooo good. I was skeptical because conference room lighting is ass and it was really crowded in there. But when I took the photos of the CPP president interacting with the presenting students, I knew I fucking ate. I saw the CPP photographer walk past me and I was like I bet you're gonna go over there and copy my shots 😤 Anyways I made that photo as the first photo for the carousel and tagged the president's Instagram account just hoping for a repost or a comment. But they reached out and asked to be a collaborator! It stopped me dead in my tracks in the middle of the hallway and I took care of business. So now my photo is sitting pretty on their feed. Mind you I posted about this new CPP interim president when she got first announced because she has a wife. So it's like a full circle in my parasocial brain. Then during the art history lecture, we learned about Michelangelo and I was like damn I really fuck with this guy! I really enjoyed his mindsets as an artist and it inspired me. Which I would love to write about one day.

And finally, we get to the presentation. The presentation overall went really good. Made the whole class laugh a couple times. But then. omfg. The professor called me over afterwards and told me that I didn't cite my sources during the presentation. And I was like uhhhh they're cited in the outline that we haven't sent over yet because the bibliography isn't finished (I finished my part, I was waiting for the others). So she just told me to send it over when everything is done. Cool cool no big deal. WRONG. My brain starts to fucking melt over this. I'm like how could I make such a basic mistake. Can't believe this slipped away from me. How did I not catch this. And then I tried to justify it by having to juggle so many things, like being the unofficial group leader and coordinating everything from meetings to all the pivots we've had to make. Then I was like why did I have to do all that. I probably wouldn't have made the mistake if i didn't have to wear different hats. And that lead to a weight squishing me down and squeezing all these emotions out of me. Bro I could not tell you how upset I was over this. And the professor was so chill with me just sending over the outline when it was all done. But I just got upset at the fact that I made a mistake. Because when the palette is full of your favorite colors, it's a stark sting when the ugly color hops in. 

This semester, I had to be a leader in four different settings. I do enjoy being a leader, but when you're in the front, you have to manually find a spot to focus on. Like when you're doing pirouettes. You have to make the decisions because the questions come to you. And at certain times, it's exhausting. Especially when some of the questions are... non-starters. The small things add up and tips me over. Okay well vomiting all this out helped me a bit. I do feel lighter but I'm going to need a good sleep. I've been having bad sleeps again lately and I think it's related to stress. And now I'm just rambling. Oooo I wish I had a free bag of ch-good 9 hours of sleeeeeep. Alright, goodbye habibi, I'll see you again soon.

#28